Stressed.

My final for my mini-mester class is tomorrow morning. I haven't been able to concentrate on studying because I'm so messed up with stupid, pointless drama that's completely unnecessary. In the past 48 hours, I've been told that I'll be out on my own ass, that my fiancee isn't fit for a husband, that he doesn't take care of me, that I deserve better.. and just really ridiculous things. It's really upsetting that nobody can see the good of our relationship. It's also upsetting that people won't stay out of our relationship. I've been so excited for a month about Jordan coming down to Mobile, and now I honestly just want him here so I can lay in his lap on the couch and just cry my eyes out. I've done nothing but cry for two days now.

And then Jordan and I came to the decision that I won't be up there to see him off for deployment. Yeah, I'm upset beyond belief. I've cried about it way too many times. But neither of us will have the money. And maybe it's easier this way, you know? We'll say our goodbyes here.. and then less than 5 days later he'll be getting on that bus to head to Afghanistan. So maybe this is a good thing. It'll be a test, that's for sure. But maybe it's a good one. Deployment is definitely starting to weigh heavily on my mind now. Especially since pre-d leave will be the last time we see each other until February-ish :| I'm starting to freak a little. I wasn't expecting that. And while I won't be at his send off (which is honestly him getting a hug and then getting on the bus), I'll be dead before I miss his homecoming. I can't wait to be there with my huge superman strong sign and running to find him when he gets off of the bus :)

Oh, and one of my friends made me a cute little signature. It made me smile. And Skype with Jordan tonight and last night made me smile too. I can't wait to get a hug. And see his face. And just hang out with him. I miss my best friend.



I guess I should attempt to get some sleep. I haven't slept in over a week without any type of medication to knock me out. Ugh.