Mini-update

Deployment

Jordan was supposed to have already left for Afghanistan.. but hasn't. He should be leaving sometime soon. They keep changing the leave dates. It's so odd! I've heard of changing homecoming dates, but this is getting crazy! I'm seriously tempted to think that God is just messing with Jordan. First he was supposed to leave WAY before the new Harry Potter movie came out; then he was supposed to leave right after; and now he's supposed to leave before again. Who in the world knows when he's actually going to leave!?

Meanwhile, I got his Afghanistan address :) I got motomail all set up! I'm so excited. I was giddy for almost two straight hours about it. I'm not sure why, though. I guess it's just because I'm so ready to get this done! My goal is to get through this better than I've ever seen someone get through a 7 month USMC deployment. And that's what I'm going to do. And nothing will put a bigger smile on my face than following through with that goal <3

Life

I ended up pulling through my mini-mester class. It took a lot of effort to pull my grade back up from where it was.. but I did it. I'm really proud. But I need to put more effort into my other classes. I have to do really well in them, or else I'm going to let my parents down - even though they're already mad at me. I wish things would get better with them. I wish things would get better between them and Jordan. I don't really know what Jordan's ever done to them. And I can't really explain it. I know there's the past.. but I thought when Jordan joined the USMC, they had left that all in the past. And it bugs me that it still comes up. I've tried to leave as much of anything in the past as possible, so I really don't see why nobody else can do the same. I'm sure it'll get better. It just really sucks worrying about if I'm going to be yelled at if I text my parents for something.

Back to the happy stuff!



That's all I have for now, loves.

And the DOM begins..

We had our official 'see you later' today. He won't leave for Afghanistan for a few more days or so, but we both decided it was much easier to say goodbye on our home turf.. rather than the Marine Corps. I can't say I'm perfect, but I'm definitely alright. I don't know if I'm just used to having to say goodbye so many times or what. I thought I'd be way more upset about it all, honestly. I cried a lot. I cried way more than I ever have since he left for boot camp. But I was much better after he walked inside the airport.



I can't even express what a great week it was though. We didn't even do very much, and I still couldn't have asked for more. We always love when we get to be with each other 24/7 for a few days, because it gives us a glimpse of how we're going to be when we're married.. and then neither of us can wait for that time to come.

Luckily, I got back home from the airport.. and there was a Golden Girls marathon on Hallmark channel. God obviously knew I needed that to keep my spirits up. And a nap helped a lot, although I didn't mean to really take one. Now Jordan's on his way back to North Carolina. Maybe he'll wanna Skype tonight when he gets back. I hope so, at least!

I hope everyone had a great 4th. It was nice to be able to spend some of it with Jordan<33

Just a little get to know me!

What is your best friends name? Jordan
What color underwear/boxers wearing now? Pink
What are you listening to right now? Commercials
Whats your favorite number? 6
What was the last thing you ate? Dinner
If you were a crayon what color would you be? Cerulean
How is the weather right now? Not too terrible. A little humid. Normal.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Jordan
The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Arms!
Do you have a significant other? I do, indeed :)
Favorite TV show? Golden Girls, hands down.
Siblings? Younger brother
Height? 5'7"
Hair color? Brown!
Eye Color? Blue
Do you wear contacts? Yeppp!
Favorite Holiday? Christmas, I guess.
Month? September. Football season starts!
Have you ever cried for no reason? Eh, it happens.
What was the last movie you watched? I'm not sure?
Favorite Day of the Year? My birthdayyyy
Are you too shy to ask someone out? Nah.
Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)? I can do it in a pool. I haven't tried in a normal room in years.
Hugs or Kisses? Kisses :)
Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate! Except ice cream. Then it's vanilla.
Do you want your friends to respond to this? I don't care? Hahaha.
Who is most likely to respond? Don't know.
Who is least likely to respond? Don't care.
What books are you reading? I'm not, haha.
Piercings? I've got six of them.
Favorite movies? Legally Blonde, Center Stage, My Best Friend's Wedding.. and others
Favorite football team? Texas Longhorns!<3
What were you doing before this? Setting up my surround sound!
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Super salted and buttered!
Dogs or cats? Either one. I love both.
Favorite flower? Gerber daisies
Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do? Sure
Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? Absolutely<3
Have you ever loved someone? Very much so.
Who would you like to see right now? Jordannnn!
Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? Not really.
Have you ever fired a gun? Yes! I absolutely love it.
Do you like to travel by plane? YESSSSS.
Right-handed or Left-handed? Right
How many pillows do you sleep with? At least four.
Are you missing someone? Always<3
Do you have a Tattoo? I've got three of them :)

To-do:

Things to do before Jordan gets here Wednesday:

+ Vacuum
+ Clean bathroom
+ Dishes
+ Take trash out
+ Put boxes into storage closet
+ Sweep off back porch
+ Make bed
+ Kitty litter
+ Clean bedroom
+ Clean up coffee table
+ Plug speakers into entertainment center
+ Nails!
+ Eyebrows
+ Take car to get fixed

Let's see how much of this I actually get done, since I'll be gone for the entire day tmrw.

Stressed.

My final for my mini-mester class is tomorrow morning. I haven't been able to concentrate on studying because I'm so messed up with stupid, pointless drama that's completely unnecessary. In the past 48 hours, I've been told that I'll be out on my own ass, that my fiancee isn't fit for a husband, that he doesn't take care of me, that I deserve better.. and just really ridiculous things. It's really upsetting that nobody can see the good of our relationship. It's also upsetting that people won't stay out of our relationship. I've been so excited for a month about Jordan coming down to Mobile, and now I honestly just want him here so I can lay in his lap on the couch and just cry my eyes out. I've done nothing but cry for two days now.

And then Jordan and I came to the decision that I won't be up there to see him off for deployment. Yeah, I'm upset beyond belief. I've cried about it way too many times. But neither of us will have the money. And maybe it's easier this way, you know? We'll say our goodbyes here.. and then less than 5 days later he'll be getting on that bus to head to Afghanistan. So maybe this is a good thing. It'll be a test, that's for sure. But maybe it's a good one. Deployment is definitely starting to weigh heavily on my mind now. Especially since pre-d leave will be the last time we see each other until February-ish :| I'm starting to freak a little. I wasn't expecting that. And while I won't be at his send off (which is honestly him getting a hug and then getting on the bus), I'll be dead before I miss his homecoming. I can't wait to be there with my huge superman strong sign and running to find him when he gets off of the bus :)

Oh, and one of my friends made me a cute little signature. It made me smile. And Skype with Jordan tonight and last night made me smile too. I can't wait to get a hug. And see his face. And just hang out with him. I miss my best friend.



I guess I should attempt to get some sleep. I haven't slept in over a week without any type of medication to knock me out. Ugh.

Jordan heads home tmrw.

Pre-deployment leave has officially started! Which means deployment isn't far behind. At ALL.

I'm feeling upset and guilty that I won't be there waiting on him to get home.. but I have a test Friday and my final Monday.. there's just no way I could even do it :| he's not even excited to go home, because he won't even see me until next Wednesday - and that makes me even more sad :( I keep telling him that his mom will be so happy to have him back home, and by himself, for a couple of days.. but his answers are always like, "I guess." He knows why I won't be there, and he knows why I can't see him until next Wednesday.. which is why he's cutting his leave with family super short so he can see me for most of leave. And that actually makes me feel special beyond belief. I can't even begin to say how much I never thought that he'd be more excited to come see me than be with his family. I mean, I know I should expect it because we're getting married - but now that it's come true, I just don't even know. It makes me so happy inside that he's so excited and happy to spend time with me before he leaves :)

I can't even tell you how excited I am that he's coming down. I reread the thing he sent me on Skype that one night, and it made me giggle like a five year old. He's genuinely excited to come down and see my place - and he's more excited to have a home down here in Mobile :)) Gosh, I'm babbling.. and I know it, but I'm in a happy mood. And thinking of the fact that he'll be here in less than 7 days makes me even happier. <3

I can't figure out if this is normal for a deployment or not.

Sure, I cry. Sure, I’m scared. Sure, I’ll live for the phone calls. Sure, I’ll miss him more than anything in the world. But I’m excited. Looking at all of this “Half of My Heart is in Afghanistan” stuff makes me so damn proud that he’s going to be over there.. and I’m excited to feel that way. It makes me proud to be his fiance. It makes me see a happier side to this deployment - the positive thoughts. And I can’t help but to feel excited about it!

Does that make me weird?

All I see lately are people complaining. I see people upset. I see people who think this is the end of the damn world. I refuse to think like that. My life will go on while he's gone. I'll start two new semesters at school, and I'll be busier than ever. I'm excited for it all :) sure, I'm nervous. But it's a mixture of all of it :)

ABCs :)

I stole the idea from Samantha Anne, and I thought it was cute :)

A - Afghanistan: We've been on the verge of meeting for a year now, and it's getting closer than ever. Jordan will head over within the next few weeks, and I'm looking forward to meeting this challenge - that way I can kick it's butt all the way to Mars.

B - Best friends: I don't know where I would be without my best friends. It's taken me years to figure out who my real friends are, and I couldn't be happier. They've been here with me through a lot, and they're about to be here with me through our first deployment. I think I'd die if I didn't have them around. I love them all!

C - Cat: I've had my cat, Derby, for 13 years now. My mom brought him home to me when I was in 2nd grade, right before my parents divorced. She then took him into the apartment, and later the house, so he wouldn't be a "burden" as he was considered to my biological father. He's probably the soul that has saved me from so many different obstacles, and I'm so glad he's stuck with me for so long.

D - Deployment: Yep, the yucky D-word. D-day scares me more than anything in the world. I'm going to have to watch the love of my life and my best friend get on a bus to head to Afghanistan.. and I have no idea how I'm going to react. I'm going to stay busy, of course. But I know the nights will kill me, and I'll live for the phone calls that I may or may not get. I'll be praying for safety though, because I know God won't let me down on this. I've got to keep my faith.<3

E - Engaged: Yep! That's what we are :) Jordan and I are finally engaged after almost 7 long years! He woke me up Christmas morning 2010 with kisses on the nose.. and when I opened my eyes, there he was.. down on his knee, with the ring in hand. Normal girls might cry or get emotional, but not me. I simply said, "But I don't have any makeup on!" And after we stopped laughing, I said yes :)

F - Football: My life! I love football more than a lot of guys do. I'm the one you'll catch with a beer in hand on Saturdays and Sundays screaming at the tv, wearing my favorite jersey.

G - Golden Girls: My absolute FAVORITE show in the entire world. I have no problem watching it every single day. I must watch it right before I go to bed to keep my mind clear. My mom calls it "mind-numbing tv" and she's definitely right.

H - Happiness: I've searched long and hard for it, and I've finally found it. I know what it feels like to be truly happy. And the fact that I can be truly happy even while Jordan and I have our distance between us is one of the greatest accomplishments that I've ever overcome.

I - Irrational fears: Clowns, dark rooms, going out in public without my toenails painted, failure, the movie E.T., carrying toilet paper around a store /in public, driving over bridges, getting pregnant, babies, the color yellow, etc.

J - Jordan: My fiancee. The love of my life. My best friend. He just happens to be a United States Marine right now. We've been together for over 7 years. We met in 5th grade, became best friends, then started eventually dating in 7th grade.. and we've been together every since.

K - Kubik: The last name I couldn't wait to get, and the one I finally have. It resembles a family bond stronger than any other one that I've ever known. Changing my name was one of the best decisions that I ever made for myself in my life.

L - Longhorns: Hook 'em Horns! The Texas Longhorns. My favorite team EVER. I even have a flag above my couch :)

M - Mom: My mom is one of the strongest people I've ever known, and I'm so happy that she passed her strength down to me. She's one of my best friends, and I couldn't be more thankful. We've both been through Hell and back - and it's amazing that we both found happiness in each other, as well as our family.

N - Needle: I'm absolutely terrified of needles! I have six piercings and four tattoos, but I can't stand the sight of a needle. I still make my mom buy me ice cream if I have to go get a shot at the doctor's office or get blood drawn.

O - Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: It apparently runs in my family, well the women at least. I'm always making lists.. and if I have too many lists, then I make lists OF my lists. The volume can never be on an odd number.. in anything. I have to wait until a certain number of seconds to answer the phone. My food isn't allowed to touch on my plate. I have to eat one thing completely before I can even start on another. I always have to start and end taking steps on my right food. If I play with my left hand ring, I have to immediately play with my right one afterward. Before I put on shoes, they must both face the same direction. And that's just some of the things. It's not a quirk for me, it's a daily lifestyle.

P - Pittsburg Steelers: My NFL team! I was raised with a Terrible Towel, and I'll never be able to get rid of that. It's much classier to wave a towel around in the air than to wear a piece of cardboard /styrofoam cheese on your head ;)

Q - Questions: I ask a lot of questions. I can't help it. I'm an obnoxiously curious person. So if I ask you a lot of things, don't take offense to it or anything.. but I just have to know!

R - Religion: I'm a Christian. I was born and raised Methodist. I can't stand Southern Baptists. I can't stand bible thumpers. I hate living in the bible belt, where anyone under 21 isn't even allowed near a bar. I have an amazing relationship with God. I was always taught that God doesn't care what you wear to church, because he sees you naked every single morning in the shower :)

S - Studying: My life lately. I seem like I don't do much, but I really do. Studying for school just takes up so much of my time, because I have to bust my butt to make decent grades. It sucks, but it'll be worth it when I graduate!

T - Toilet paper: Okay, I must admit. I have this irrational fear of carrying toilet paper in public. If I'm with someone at the grocery store, I make them carry it for me.. through the store, out to the car, and into wherever we're going. People make fun of me all the time for it, and I can't figure out why I won't do it for the life of me. Everyone always tells me, "Everyone uses it!" ..But I really can't get past the fact that I think it's just socially awkward to carry around toilet paper!

U - University of South Alabama: My school :) It's been a huge part of my life and the changes that I've made along the way. I'm about to be a junior, and while I can't wait to graduate and have my degree.. I absolutely love the entire experience and all of the memories that come along with it.

V - Vacation: I love taking vacations! It's fun to be able to relax with family and /or friends. My all-time favorite vacation was when my mom took me on my senior trip to Los Angeles, California. It was so beautiful :) I can't wait to go back some day!

W - Wedding: Yes, I'm in the long process of planning a wedding. The wedding won't be for a while.. but it never hurts to get a head start and get ideas in my head! Jordan and I find it fun and relaxing to talk about it, which makes it even more fun :)

X - X-ray: I've had way too many of them in my life. With dancing for 15 years, my hips turned into those of an 80 year old woman.. and I went through many x-rays before I got two Cortizone shots in my hip joints (OUCH!). I've also had MRIs done because of my migraines, as well as an x-ray on my hand, wrist, and shoulder.

Y - Yelling: The absolute WORST thing you can ever do is yell at me. It's the one thing that will make me get in your face faster than anything.

Z - Zodiac sign: Sagittarius. I'm not one of those people who religiously reads my sign information every day; but I do believe a lot of what a Sagittarius stands for, and it has to do a great deal with my personality.

Yayyyy!

I can officially say that Jordan will be here next week! I can't wait to see him :) I'm beyond sad that he'll be on his way home Thursday.. and I won't be there to see him, but it'll be good that he has his family time before he deploys. I sure can't wait to have my turn though :) and I'm so happy that I'll get him to myself for over half of his leave! I can't even express how happy I am about that. It's going to be so much fun, and you know what? We don't even have anything planned.. minus his dad /family coming down here for a day. Other than that, it's going to be sooo much relaxing! I'm done with my mini-mester classes after next Monday, so I'll only have my online classes to concentrate on while he's here :) and hopefully that will let so much stress off of the hook! It's getting ridiculous that I'm not sleeping, having headaches, and being so emotional. I hope it helps out! I need the stress relief.. and I need to get my tan on :) I'm already pretty tan, just not tan enough ;)

I woke up to a status that one of Jordan's teammates put up saying "In 3 weeks I'll be in a warzone. The last thing I'm looking for is peace."

Ah, goodness. Just more reality that deployment is so close to being here. And that they will, indeed, be in a war zone. It's nuts. It's so hard to believe. Part of me is scared to death - terrified. The other part of me is excited. That sounds so weird to say. Why in the world would I be excited? I'm excited to go through this together, him and me. I'm excited that he's getting to see another part of the WORLD, even if it's a crappy part. I'm excited TO GET THIS OVER WITH!! And the last part is probably the best part, haha.

I'm ready for pre-deployment leave. I'm ready to see him. I'm ready for the time to ourselves. I'm ready to be together 24/7. It's going to make it so much harder to let him go afterward, but it'll all be worth it. I know it will be. And I just have to keep telling myself that.

3 weeks, huh? I think that could be plenty of time.

Officially single digits til Jordan is in Mobile for pre-d leave!

Maybe there won't be sex, maybe there won't be marriage, but by God there will be dancing.
-My Best Friend's Wedding

Father's Day.

I can't tell you guys how much this father's day means to me. I don't even remember the last time I had the same last name as the man I considered my father. As a lot of people know, I don't speak to my biological father. After he got remarried things just went downhill for us - causing me to move out the day after my 18th birthday. With the help of my mom and Jordan, I was able to move on with my life and open my heart to the man who is now my step-dad. My mom got remarried to the man that she dated for 7 years in July 2010, and I later changed my name to reflect his which was finalized in December. I got a lot of hell for changing my name, but I believe it was the right thing to do - and I'll never feel different. It's been such an eye-opener since I had that done; and it's something I couldn't dream of regretting in my life. I'm a happier person with such a more positive outlook on life because of my step-dad, and no words will ever be able to express how much that means to me and has impacted my life. He's definitely more of an actual dad to me than a step-dad, and I use those words interchangeably quite often. I just had to take a second to say how grateful I am that God brought him into not only my mom's life, but mine as well. So this is a tribute to my dad, the man who brought hope back into my life. Happy father's day, RK!

I needed these up here :)

Hmm!

I forgot I had this for a while :) I guess it'll just be another form of venting while Jordan's gone! So, here's the rundown on a quick update:

I'm an engaged woman :) Christmas morning 2010, he sneaked into my house /room while I was asleep.. and woke me up with kisses on the nose; and when I opened my eyes, there he was.. down on his knee with the ring box opened up. And the first thing I said? "But.. I have no makeup on!!" We both burst out laughing, and then I told him OF COURSE.



Also, I'm about to be a junior in college.. my mom's about to sell our house that I grew up in after my parents got divorced.. my brother graduates high school this December.. Jordan heads to Afghanistan in a couple of weeks.. Mom got remarried.. I changed my name.. we got a new puppy.. I now have an apartment.. and that's really all for the big things.